I had this Hawaiian friend back in high school who was obscenely strong for his age. He wrestled and played football as both a tight end and defensive end. He would go around punching us when we least expected it, and when he did so, he’d exclaim, “HAAWAAAIIAN PUNCH! *ka-pow*” He’d laugh and say, “Isn’t that awesome?” No, not awesome at all.

Today, I learned that Hawaiian Punch was concocted back in 1934, and it was manufactured locally in Fullerton, California. You’d think that something called Hawaiian Punch was well…. Hawaiian. Originally sold as a thick syrup to pour over ice cream (gross), someone eventually discovered it was even better when mixed with water. Thank you, Internets.